Spirituality Versus Grace

Super spirituality proffers that heaven is not for the good guys but for the good guys who are able to go everyone better. You know those who have 'spiritual disciplines' embedded into their DNA; disciplines like, tithing, fasting, prayer, small group attendance, giving up 'stuff' for whatever, and/or giving oneself to something, etc. etc. etc. The subtle erosion of grace occurs when one thinks that the gasoline of grace gets better mileage when perfect performance is the additive of choice.

Nonsense! Completely unacceptable! There is no way to tie the kingdom of God to anything you or I do! God's Kingdom is here because the King brings it Himself! Not because we give It a helping hand. You or I may do anything stupid or brilliant with the freedom we have in Grace but whatever you or I do, we must never think that it is worth a plugged nickle in the process of our salvation!

Robert Farrar Capon (Between Noon and Three) remembers that Luther wrote that the reformation was a time when people went blind staggering drunk because they discovered, "in the dusty basement of late medivialism, a whole cellarful of 1500 year old, 200 proof grace -- of bottle after bottle of pure distillate of Scripture that would convince anyone that God saves us single-handed."

Century after century humanity tries to pull itself up by its own bootstraps by worrying about the perfection of their performance and then Gospel of Grace bursts on the scene by flatly stating that the saved were home free even before they started!

Why People Change Their Minds

I have always been interested in why people change their minds. I am sure you have encountered those who were very persistent in their mind set (stubborn?) and others who seemed very non committal and vague (stubborn?).

My Dad told me years ago, "He does not have reverse in his car, Son..." and by that he meant, that person will not change and therefore will fail!

As long as you have 'reverse in your car' you have a chance at growing and learning and living a fuller life of joy and peace.

But back to my original query: Why People Change Their Minds.

Stories can illustrate this answer (at least partially).

A man went to his priest and asked, "Father, I want you to say a Mass for my favorite dog."

The priest indignately stated, "What!? What do you mean you want me to say a Mass for your dog?"

"Father, it is my pet dog...my favorite dog. I loved that dog and I would like you to offer a Mass for him."

The priest replied, "We don't offer Masses for dogs here! Go to the Episcopalians, Lutherans, or the Methodists...maybe they have a service for you!"

As the man turned to go, he said, "I really loved that dog, he was my favorite! I was planning a million dollar contribution for the Mass."

The priest called out, "Hey wait a minute, you did not tell me the dog was Catholic!"

You never quite know what will influence someone to change their mind!

One Last Post About The Rapture That Did Not Happen

Dr. Wayne Perry succinctly links the esoteric Gnostic Mindset and the false prophet Harold Campings. Read his great piece here: ( https://www.facebook.com/notes/wayne-perry/harold-campings-fundamental-mistake/227077547302819?notif_t=note_reply )

RJ Cherryholms (a voice from my child hood church) used to preach with the same fervor and passion of the great orators from the past. Wayne has reminded me of one of RJ Cherryholms' sermons on Pride (a cardinal sin even to Protestants! ).

He would thunder...There is the PRIDE OF FACE (spending so much time on the external appearance to the neglect of the internal), There is the PRIDE OF RACE (falsely believing that one's race gives one preference before the Almighty), and the most hideous form of PRIDE, There is the PRIDE OF GRACE (the arrogant belief that one is more holy or more knowledgeable than fellow believers and fellow followers of the lowly Christ).

The arrogance of the human heart that believes he/she has knowledge that no one has ever known previously is the heart failure experienced by Harold Campings and many of his followers.

Dooms Day Has Passed, Again

As a psychologist (and a follower of Jesus Christ), I have pondered, "why would anyone do what Harold Camping has done...." That is, through his influence and charisma he has participated in the selling of homes, the emptying of savings, and has done this twice. As of 6:15 CST (May 21), I am still here, my wife is here, and we saw several babies today as well!

I once had a dear friend who sold all he had during the year of 1999 (doomsday was coming on Jan 1, 2000, remember), moved his family, and invested hundreds of thousands of dollars on emergency contingencies ( he had a power plant installed in the basement of his new home in the country that would light a small city!)...when Jan 1, 2000 arrived, with no sign of 'the end', he never addressed the issue of being 'wrong.' He had influence over a wide range of my friends who were in varying degrees of fear as 'the day approached'...and when the 'day' passed, he never apologized nor ever addressed this issue again.

Wonder if Harold Camping will do the same or will he fess up and apologize for the errors of his way and realize his paranoia is infectious.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20110521/sc_livescience/norapturenojudgmentmay21doomsdaypredictionfails;_ylt=Ag6vTx_Ia1dIteVFTZwvwHxg.3QA;_ylu=X3oDMTQ5YXF2MmRwBGFzc2V0A2xpdmVzY2llbmNlLzIwMTEwNTIxL25vcmFwdHVyZW5vanVkZ21lbnRtYXkyMWRvb21zZGF5cHJlZGljdGlvbmZhaWxzBGNjb2RlA3RvcGdtcGUEY3BvcwMyBHBvcwMyBHNlYwN5bl90b3Bfc3RvcmllcwRzbGsDbm9yYXB0dXJlbm9q

Learn to Relax and Sleep Like a Baby

Think about how easy it is for a baby or small child to fall asleep. We're born with the instinct to relax and sleep when our bodies or minds need a break. Over the years, it becomes necessary to control and even suppress these natural urges to rest, since we must remain alert as we attend school, learn professions, go to work, or care for a family. Many people spend years conditioning themselves to perform well despite feelings of tiredness. While no one would argue that suppressing tiredness can be a necessary skill, it can impair our ability to actually "let go" and relax when we do find the time.

Relaxation is also a uniquely individual activity. Napping or just doing nothing might be your idea of relaxation, but this amount of inactivity might drive someone else crazy. Others may relax by participating in sports or undertaking physical challenges, but some people would find these activities stressful. Whatever your idea of relaxation, the following tips can help you re-train and regain some of those lost relaxation skills:

1. Give yourself permission for some down time. Stop ruminating about work or personal problems or tasks. If it helps, make a to-do list of issues and projects and put it aside during your relaxation time. That way, you won't worry about forgetting or neglecting any responsibilities after your break.

2. Decide if you're interested in a structured relaxation program, such as courses in meditation, yoga, or martial arts. Some may find this kind of training helpful; others may feel it adds to their stress.

3. Try some short, simple exercises such as the Muscle Relaxation for Stress and Insomnia, Meditation for Reducing Stress and Improving Health, or 3 Minutes to Stress Relief!

4. Practice other positive health habits such as getting exercise and eating well. The healthier your body is, the better it can function in all areas, including relaxation. An exhausted, "burned out" state isn't going to bring on restorative or strengthening relaxation.

5. If necessary, force yourself to take emotional "time out" for relaxation. Practice shutting out stressful thoughts and images for a few minutes at a time to start out. Imagery exercises (visualizing a comforting or pleasurable setting) can help redirect your thoughts.

6. Accept help. Talk to a loved one or counselor about your stress. The very act of sharing can provide a much-needed release of anger and frustration.

7. Don't always equate relaxation with sleep. Particularly if you suffer from stress-induced insomnia, daytime napping can just make your nights more wakeful. Instead, focus on an activity that gives you pleasure.

8. Remember that the best form of relaxation is finding and participating in something that brings you joy - whether it be alone or with others, sedentary or active, goal-directed or aimless - find whatever is it that brings you relaxation and peace.

http://www.webmd.com/balance/sleep-like-a-baby?ecd=wnl_emw_051111

The Unknown Soldiers: Right now

The Unknown Soldiers: Right now: "'Not one thing was mentioned by the media,' ... 'Why have we not heard of this?'"

Paul Harvey would say, war is about old men sending off young men to die for old men's problems. And now we are on several fronts but for some political reason the Afgan "conflict" is avoided by the media. If it is my son that dies, then it is a war that needs to be focused on by the media.

Everything is political and that sullies the death of these soldiers.

Making a Banquet Out of Crumbs...Another Look at Extra Marital Affairs

Washingtonpost.com: Health: "the deception hurt the most. 'The relationship can never go anywhere. You're making a banquet out of crumbs.'"

Human hearts are wired to deal with disappointments, grief, sorrows, and loss.Painful? Yes...and endurable and workable.

However, deception is one thing the human heart cannot work through. For a recovery from an affair to begin, there must be the slow rebuilding of trust....built on an openness that is demonstrated daily (hourly) by the infidel...no secrets...full access...and then maybe, just maybe, recovery is possible.

I work weekly with this issue...it is one of unimaginable pain and fraught with multiple challenges. Even with this, as a couple 'calms down', begins to be thoughtful, and begins the process of being open, there is hope for their lives and marriage.

I have seen many couples 'rise from the ashes of pain' and rebuild their lives. Here is an excellent piece on the 'price of an affair.'

How To Change The Quality of the Parent / Child Relationship

Question:
When you are in a family relationship with someone and they are going through an extremely hard time, physically not feeling well, hormonally challenged, 18 and going through constant life changes, (you get the picture) and they are in almost a constant negative and hurting mood, how do you keep from falling apart yourself while trying to speak in love and show love. Because when you speak it and show it they almost always reject or make it seem like it's not enough. You know they need someone to understand and listen but it seems nothing you do or say makes a difference and they just get upset. I'm desperate for suggestions.

My Answer:
Well, that is a good one...and not to get too technical but let me try this:

Let’s think a bit about two different levels of communication (the reason I start here is that there is a break down in effective communication and emotional reactivity at the heart of most relational difficulties)....

PROCESS VERSUS OUTCOME ORIENTATION

Kids who are process-oriented tend to react to any confrontation (even loving confrontation when they are upset) by persistently focusing on the process of the communication rather than the outcome. If the parent is focused on the outcome (most of us parents are...I will explain more in a moment), there can be a ‘communication breakdown....and it drives us insane’ (to borrow from Led Zepplin?!!).

Imagine you go to the IRS and your present your gripe/complaint to the IRS agent...you are considerate and she is polite, would you be more concerned about whether or not you owed more money (OUTCOME) or would you be more interested in the process of the audit? Most of us would be more interested in the OUTCOME of the audit.

However, if you and I went to the IRS to complain about how complicated the forms are and how aggravating it is to fill out the forms and how much it costs to get a CPA to do our taxes and how unfair the tax bracket we are in and how we have called 12 agents and have gotten 12 different answers to the same question and on and on we go....we are there because we are upset at the whole system...then we are at that point PROCESS oriented...no one there can do one thing to rectify our situation!

Now, for us parents, who are OUTCOME oriented, the goal of a discussion/loving confrontation is to determine the outcome of the discussion. “Be happier” “Get more involved” “Bring grades up” “You should not date that boy” “You must get home by 11:00”....etc. etc. etc. BUT for the process oriented child, the goal is to control the process of the discussion...the discussion is about the discussion, the outcome is secondary. In other words, from the child’s perspective, the winner is the one who controls the process and the parent who tries to ‘win’ by determining the outcome is extremely frustrated...and often has a sense that she/he is not ‘winning’ but does not know why.

Now to THINK a bit more before about this here are three critical questions that must be answered:

1. Who determines the timing of the discussion? Is the discussion chosen by the child? When the child initiates an inopportune moment, is the parent unsuccessful in delaying the discussion until a later time? Does the child allow the parent to initiate conversation about painful issues or will the child only discuss these issues that he /she initiates?

2. Who determines the content and direction of communication during the discussion? For example, the parent comes to child to discuss ISSUE A. The child responds instead by accusing the adult of ISSUE B. The adult defends herself/himself against the child’s accusation of ISSUE B. In this example the adult initiated the content of the discussion (ISSUE A) and the direction (asking the child questions). However, the child quickly takes charge of the process as the subject is now ISSUE B and the direction becomes that of the child’s asking questions (accusations) and the adult engages in self-defense. The child ended up determining the content and direction of the conversation.

3. Who determines the mood of the discussion? Here is an important principle of parent/child relationships: If a parent and a child enter a discussion with two different moods they often leave with the same mood!! The critical issue here is whether the adult takes on the mood of the child or the child takes on the mood of the parent.

Here are some helpful hints to improve this very common situation.

I will prevent the child from determining the timing of the discussions, the direction/content, and mood of the discussion.

The timing can be altered by the parent refusing to engage in the griping / complaining....if the parent can’t contain themselves by not engaging then go to another room in the house for a short while.

To prevent the child from determining the direction/content and mood...I might write notes and leave them for the child to read...especially if this content could possibly be ‘explosive.’

Without a doubt the MOST IMPORTANT piece here is to prevent the child from determining the mood of the discussion or the mood of the home. Sometimes here, the marriage may need some strengthening so that MOM and DAD are working together and not against each other....

The One Who Taught Me How to Love

My Dad taught me 'how to live...' He was fearless, would try anything, go anywhere, try any recipe, and worked very hard...two jobs! Fearless? Yes, a one wheel trailer and an old Studebaker and an old canvas tent...he took us (1961) from Troy, Ohio to San Francisco on less than $300! Mom had never been out of the states of Kentucky or Ohio and off we went!

My Mom taught me 'how to love...' She laughed at my jokes, laughed, sang, cried, tender, funny, fun to be with, she cooked, loved to cook, worked all my life (two jobs, one at home and one at Hobart). She taught me how to love.

Fifteen years ago today, on March 6, 1996, I watched the undertaker fold my Mother's body into his bag, walked down the hall of our home, and out to his Hearst. I still remember that day and that image...knowing that here her life was over and knowing that one day she will be reunited with the rest of her family for all of eternity.

Thanks Mom...you were, and still are, the best in my mind!

Please, Please, Understand Me!

There is deep within the human heart a desperate need to be understood…to be known, to be seen for ‘who I am’ and not what you may want me to be! The life journey of ‘being known’ is a sometimes distressing and even a bit fearful but always ends with the joy of discovery.

The person that I am is not some ‘thing’ that you know but is a growing, changing, evolving, and yes even vibrant soul! As life moves, I change and become and discover who I am. John Powell said, “Please do not give me a “batting average,” fixed and irrevocable, because I am “in there” constantly, taking my swings at the opportunities of daily living. Approach me, then, with a sense of wonder, study my face and hands and voice for the signs of change; for it is certain that I have changed. But even if you do recognize this, I may be somewhat afraid to tell you who I am.”

Countless books have been written on becoming a ‘more authentic self.’ The ‘becoming real’ idea has been a popular topic of many conversations; so much so, that we have adopted a phrase “would be please get real!” which, being interpreted means, “Cut the crap, don’t you know who are talking to?!” We want people who are close to us to level with us, talk to us, to tell us who they are and what they are thinking…in other words, to open with us! And with this, I wonder, am I going about this a bit backwards?

You see, books can’t explain this, lectures cannot impart this…this “knowing and being known” thing…not it only occurs within open, honest, connected human relationships. In other words, it must be experienced on the journey of self-discovery. The journey of self-discovery is a voyage that is a bit fearful, daunting at times, and yes even painful….but always ending in ‘becoming a bit more real.’

Children are very good at being real…at least better than most adults. Why? Because they have not developed the need to hide…but they will. They will hide like you and I…behind a smiling face, or a know- it-all attitude, or behind prejudice and bigotry, or behind pouting. We adults have a myriad of games we play to keep people (with whom we do want to be close) at arm’s length…and yet we desire to be understood for who we are! What a conundrum to be in…screaming “please understand me” on the one hand and hiding behind some mask or playing some game on the other.

Several years ago my wife said, “I don’t know anything about you that everyone else does not already know.” I remember thinking, “what a dumb statement…what is it you want to know, I will tell you…” (No additional comments are needed here!). She later asked, “What are your vulnerabilities, your fears?” Again, myopic Me thought, “Me? Vulnerabilities? What are you talking about?”

But with her gentle persistence, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery. Questions like, “who am I, where did those emotions come from, and why does that upset me?” I found myself (as Morris West wrote) abandoning the search of security and reaching out to live with both arms, beginning to accept pain as a condition of existence, counting doubt and darkness as a condition of knowing, and learning to accept the consequences of living and dying. The life of being real meant knowing my vulnerabilities, owning my vulnerabilities, and disclosing them to others. As I discovered myself and as I ‘knew’ myself more fully, I experienced something very liberating, the need to hide and play games was being replaced with a ‘real me!’ The experience of accepting myself led me to (yep you guessed it), accepting others, and of course accepting her…and through that I found, I am understood and known by her!

Elusive Contentment...The Lost Art of Serenity

I am not sure there is anything more taxing nor trying to the human soul than to watch your child go down a path that you and I would think is destructive, damaging, and yes, even damning. This can be one of the most challenging 'situations' to my serenity.

A dear friend this morning emailed me the following: "I am writing [about] our daughter...she now is claiming to be a full-fledged atheist. She emails us last night with a video on Youtube of an atheist against Christ and the Bible. It made my heart sick, knowing this is how she is believing...[the daughter further states] 'I'm not trying to argue a case...religion is manmade, all the evidence is there. I was simply sharing something I enjoy.'"

For the past several years, contentment/serenity, as an experiential settling of the human soul, has been something that I have read, pondered, discussed, and even experienced as time goes by. Contentment was sold to me as a by product of getting my world in order and I interpreted that as "make sure there are no loose ends," and I exerted my will upon whatever needed to be 'controlled.' Alas, I soon was to discover that the harder I tried the behinder I got and my serenity suffered as I became more dismayed and the more my life was disrupted the more dismayed I became.

I remember one of those moments (dare I say, epiphanies, you know those sudden, intuitive perceptions of or insights into the essential meaning of something that was initiated by some homely commonplace experience) when a light went off in my mind that flashed this insight onto my soul; "the opposite of contentment is control!" Uh oh!! For me, that brought about a transformative way of thinking that was counter intuitive to all I had believed up to this point. That epiphany changed the way I approached my self, my clients, my church, my family and all of life.

This counter intuitive approach to contentment is grounded in the fundamental truth that nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in GOD's world by accident, and therefore, everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. And, further more, until I could accept that truth, I would experience no serenity/contentment. You see, my 'former' belief was grounded in the notion (not a very productive notion, I might add!) that some situation, some event, some person, some thing is unacceptable to me and therefore must be changed! Of course I knew what the change was to 'look like!' And I truly believed, that until those changes occured, I could never experience peace of mind...and as people will do, my beliefs dictated my behaviors and my thoughts and I would do my best to talk you out of, talk you into, make you wish you had, and whatever good passive agressive people do, I would do...all in the name of me 'finding peace!'

However, the peace and content GOD created me to experience is eternally grounded in the truth, that nothing, absolutely nothing happens by accident. And until I could fully accept this life changing principle, I could never find contentment. I often lose my focus and find myself looking at situations and what I expect and disturbs my peace!

So my prayer for my friend, is that the focus of he/his soul will be upon the God he/she trusts in. And when that focus zeros in on that unassaible radiant character of God, he/she will not judge God by the situations of life but will instead, judge the situations of life by the character of God. Then contentment will settle their human soul. And sweet peace will bring rest!

Being Alone…

Meeting and knowing God is His desire for me.
I often seek to know Him in deep intellectual discussions of Scripture or I ‘hide’ in the loud, hand waving, praise team led, choruses on Sunday morning. But the ‘knowing’ that God desires is not found in knowledge alone, or in corporate ‘praise choruses.’
Am I guilty of receiving knowledge without appreciation, receiving Biblical facts without ecstasy, emotion, eagerness, and exhilaration? Yes, I am guilty, but (as Brenan Manning avers), there is an inevitable time when ‘a moment of truth’ arrives and I am alone…what then?

Plaintively I hear the poet whisper:

Once I stood in the night with my head bowed low
In the darkness as black as the sea
And my heart was afraid and I cried,
Oh Lord, don't hide your face from me.

Hold my hand all the way, every hour, every day
From here to the great unknown
Take my hand, let me stand
Where no one stands alone. (M. Lister)

There, there in my aloneness is the moment of truth…I am alone with Him…
And when the night is bad and nerves are shattered God speaks…God speaks to me through Jesus and tells me the depth of His feelings for me…for me…His love flashes into my soul…pierces the dark corners of fear and doubt…drives out the shadows…and I am over taken by the Mystery that He loves me. He loves me! Not because I am lovable nor in spite of my unloveableness…but He loves me simply because He chooses to and I am His son! That is the saving moment of my existence! Do I dare attempt to escape His love by running into deep intellectual exercises or allow cynicism to ‘bring me back to my senses’? No, a thousand times no, I give myself (once again) to the truth that He loves me as He loves His One and Only! And in that moment, I am ‘found’ and I discover once more that life is worth living!

You Are Gonna Kick Yourself When You Read This...

Brian McLaren said in an interview that the Cross (Christ’s vicarious sacrifice for our sins) and Hell were distractions from the real truth of the Gospel. This naturally put me on edge. What is he thinking? I thought to myself. He went on to say that when God told us to simply forgive. He did not tell us to push the punishment onto another but instead just forgive and forget. This is true! God never told us to transfer the punishment when forgiving. He did not tell us to forgive our wife and then kick the dog! He told us to forgive and nothing more. But is that all there is to forgiveness? Is it truly a simple act with no transaction of punishment?

When someone cuts in front of you at the movies your mind screams for your personal justice. You wish the Batman of movie ticket lines will come down and say in his growly voice, “Where’s Harvey Dent?!” (I don’t know why he will say that…probably because that is the only quote I can think of right now…). Thus, he freaks out the person who cut and runs them off with terror and justice! An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth! You do deserve justice and it would be morally right for Batman to come to your aid (you probably should have just got your movie tickets online…). If I leave the seat up on the toilet, my wife has the right to enact justice by “accidentally” turning off my video game before I save my progress. MARIOOOOOO!!! Vengeance, whether from the letter of the governmental law or from personal vendettas, is a natural and just act. The Old Testament says that if a person ACCIDENTLY kills one of your family members; you are allowed to KILL them! Crazy stuff, right!? What if somebody owes money to their friend, boss, or bank? They HAVE to repay! This is justice.

In all the situations above, what if each person wronged forgave the offender? You forgive the person who cut in line, my wife forgives me, the banker forgives the debtor, and the family member forgives the accidental killing. Does the justice simply disappear? I would say…wait for it…nope! (Yea Psych reference!) It IS transferred. Not to a dog but back onto the person who forgives. You lose your place in line, my wife swallows her pride, the banker loses money, and the family member loses justice for the death of a loved one.

What Brian McLaren forgets is that Christ IS God. God is not kicking some dog when He is transferring justice. He is reflecting the punishment onto Himself. That is what the person who forgives always does: they swallow the justice and do not give the person that wronged them their “just desserts.” God brought the payment of death, which was rightfully ours, upon Christ. We wrong God when we mock His holiness by our sin and He “simply” (does not seem like the right word anymore…) forgives us.

Published by Benjamin Trent
http://www.facebook.com/#!/note.php?note_id=432180803016&ref=notif¬if_t=note_tag

Casting a Long Shadow

The last week of January (2010) I conducted the funeral of one Florence Young. She was 99 years of age when she died and one of the several sisters of Sara King (who is 106 and whose funeral I will have the honor of doing some day). Florence was one of the earliest Rosie the Riveters who worked on air plane assembly out at Maxwell Air Force Base (in Montgomery, AL). One measure of her influence is seen in her family. She had FOUR children (three preceded her), 19 grandchildren, 41 great-grandchildren, 61 great-great-grandchildren, and 3 great, great, great-grandchildren!

Ah, but read about the dear Jewish lady (93 at death) and her influence. God said multiply and did she ever!! Maybe 2000 descendants. She did not want her children to collect photographs of her and, often said “Just keep me in your heart, If you leave a child or grandchild, you live forever.”

The Good Enough Mom Lets Her Children Fail!

There are two overarching principals of effective parenting. The first is parents must love their child(ren) unconditionally! And the second principal is equally important, namely that effective parents allow their children to fail. It is this second principal that I touch on today. I knew a mother of an 18 year old man/child. This dear wonderful loving mother was so frustrated with herself and as I talked with her she revealed that she is angry that her son won't brush his teeth. She stated with great emotion and exasperation, "He gets made at me every day when I ask him, 'Have you brushed your teeth?' I don't know what to do, he just won't brush his teeth!"

Now, if you are like me, you laugh and wonder, how did this situation get so desperate but many of us run to rescue the child from some failure/hurt/rejection etc. So remember this, parents who take on the responsibility of the child by reminding or doing for him or her, encourage the child to be irresponsible. Parents must learn to “mind their own business” and let the child learn from the logical consequences of her/his own behavior. Bon Voyage! and ¡Buen viaje! Enjoy the ride...it always gets better!!

Open Up! And Live!!

I was raised in a very closed and narrow world. Religious straight jackets were handed out and you either conformed or were excommunicated! If you conformed you belonged...if you (horror of horrors!!) did not conform you were seen/labeled as a rebel and were told in no uncertain terms that 'rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft!' With that pronouncement, out you go into 'not belonging' and it is no wonder that so many of my child hood friends are still searching for a place to belong!

I have learned that people who are truly alive and well are NOT closed and narrow but open and flexible! Flexible people allow for the reality of doubt and uncertainty! Rigid people cannot live with with doubt and they seek to complete their picture of life quickly using as few pieces as possible. The pieces of their life fit in a very small and tight pattern and these few pieces are all they need. More pieces would confuse them and they cannot allow any confusion! If you talk to rigid people you might think they are truly certain about life but you later realize they are only certain about their 14 small pieces they call life!

Rigid people are like the suspicious detective who takes the first bits of evidence and makes it fit his preconceived idea and comes to an unshakable and 'definite' conclusion about the mystery of life! If there is any new evidence uncovered, they quickly bend it and mold it to fit into the shape of their premature conclusion. They live a static, fixed life with no dynamic living and in a world that is so small that they can handle it. Now they will not admit to this, but they are afraid to try any more...to attempt anything anymore...to be open to reality would freeze up their internal processor...the computer would crash!

But, to the one who allows life and accepts life...they have true serenity amidst the turmoil of doubt and questions. Maybe that is what Jesus intended when He said, "I give peace to you, MY peace I give to you, NOT as the world gives peace! Don't let your heart be trouble! Take MY peace!"

Vacation 2009

Well, it takes me awhile but here is some pictures from our vacation to Silverton, CO.

Married (Happily) With Issues - NYTimes.com

Married (Happily) With Issues - NYTimes.com

I was recently interviewed by our local CBS TV affliate about a website that purports having an affair can be maritally beneficial. You can have a 'fling' and it will be kept secret, while your marriage remains 'intact.' The website has been "marketed" on Oprah (I mean do you really think people go on Oprah's show for anything else??) and the website boasts of thousands of 'satisfied' customers.
The TV reporter ask me, "What is your opinion of the claims of this website?" I stated, "He is nuts! Did you notice that it is a man who came up with this idea...and why would anyone 'pay' $450.00 to join his website for an extra marital affair when they can 'pay' an escort service less money than that?" Of course we went on to discuss extra marital affairs more fully, why people have them, should they be confessed, do men have them more than women, and is the sex better in an affair than at home. Short answers to the questions you ask?
1. Affairs are 'had' for a myriad of reasons not the least of which he/she (the infidel, to use Frank Pittman's great word) can not be honest with themselves and with their spouse and this lack of 'self confrontation' leads to dishonesty and destruction.
2. Should they be confessed? I would have to confess because personal integrity is a core value of mine, but some people are more pragmatic and would choose not to.
3. Men have more affairs than women? I think the data probable supports this, but you would be suprised (maybe you wouldn't!) how many women are infidels as well.
4. Is the affair sex better than sex at home? I have never had a client tell me the sex was better. Good sex is much more than 'genital response cycles!' I remember asking my heart doctor at University of Alabama at Birmingham's Kirklin Clinic, "Doc, will I be able to play golf after this surgery?" And to my amazement he said, "Why sure...there will be no problem!" My surprised response? "Well Doc, that is wonderful news!" Little did he know that I have never played golf!
The CBS reporter asked, "What makes a perfect marriage?" I said, "There is no perfect marriage because there are no perfect people. However, marriage is the mechanism by which imperfect people are made 'more perfect' ...that is if they can endure the perfecting struggle!"
So here I am, being worked on again...there is so much to work on!! Oh, but I love the result! 32 years of marital bliss? No way!! But there have been some incredibly blissful moments and there are more to come!! Onward and upward...I think I ought to take up golf?

Why Some Blacks Prefer 'Blind Side' to 'Precious' - ABC News

"While everyone is fussing about 'Precious,' a movie like 'The Blind Side' is going to make a pile of dough and seems far more racially patronizing," said Phillips, the white co-host of the syndicated show "At the Movies." 'The Blind Side' is telling a really good story about one African-American character completely through the perspective of the white family.'

'That's absurd and patronizing in itself,' Armond White, chief film critic of The New York Press, said of Phillips' comments.
The reason for the discrepancy, said White, who is black, is simple.
'Some black people find 'Precious' offensive and they don't find 'The Blind Side' offensive,' he said. 'There's more humanity there. 'Precious' is like a horror show, a freak show. There's nothing but misery, debased behavior and degradation. One film is about Samaritan-ism, humanism, kindness, love and brotherhood, and the other is about degradation and ignorance."

The jaded spirit of some 'experts' must mean their hearts are empty of any joy. Go watch Blindside and see if you see color. I guess you can see color or you can see humanity...maybe that depends upon how 'jaded' you are.

Fear of the Dark!

At dusk on November 9, 1965, the biggest power failure in U.S. history occurs! All of New York state, sections of seven surrounding states, and parts of eastern Canada are plunged into darkness...the lights went out. This blackout began at the height of rush hour with millions of commuters caught and some 800,000 people trapped in New York's subways! Thousands were stranded in office buildings, elevators, and trains. 15,000 police types (10,000 National Guardsmen and 5,000 off-duty policemen) were called into service to prevent looting.
I remember my Mom's fear and how this was in the news...even though in central Ohio, our lights never flickered!
A 230-kilovolt transmission line near Ontario, Canada, tripped at 5:16 p.m., which caused several other heavily loaded lines also to fail. The dominos fell and a cascading failure of additional lines which resulted in the eventual breakup of the entire Northeastern transmission network. Thirty-million people in eight U.S. states and the Canadian provinces of Ontario and Quebec were affected by the blackout. By morning, when the sun was coming up, power was restored to all. Wonder if there any others who remember the night the lights went out in the North East?