Another congressman has sex with a subordinate...another governor has a clandistine affair...another... http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D9AK03601&show_article=1
What you are in secret is who you really are. What you are when no one else is looking is who you truly are. Embedded within my heart is the deep desire to be a person of integrity and authenticity...I know there is phoniness in all of us but the drive to be whole, fully integrated and a person of true character is within us all. Congruence refers to our ability to be completely genuine, real, and authentic.... whatever the situation of the moment. You and I are not expected to be a completely congruent person all the time, as such perfection is impossible. However, as we move toward that, we become more functional, experience greater freedom, and possess greater levels of psychological health.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
No Longer On Tiptoe!!
I always have felt that I should give 'just a little bit more' and stand 'just a little bit taller' and stretch 'just a little farther'! The idea of standing on tip toe suggests that the goodies, the cookies if you please, were on the top shelf and only the tall (read 'the special ones') ones could reach them easily. The rest of us had to stretch and reach and try a bit harder. I am not sure where I got the philosophy that life was about 'trying harder and doing more' but I am so relieved and rejoice to discover that I could relax, rest easy, and accept life as it is, not as I wanted it. Grace taught me (and I am learning more each day!) that God accepts me as I am, completely, irrevocably, and that I am completely loved by Him. No need to stand on tip toes around Him...just be myself and let Him love me! Wow, what a life!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Worries, Anxieties, and Fears...
There are few people who have found the tranquility of soul and peace of mind that God intended us to experience each and every day! Part of our struggle is we fail to believe that we are unconditionally loved and acceptable just as we are! We don't experience the wonderful freedom from fears and phobias as God's children. There is much written and said about GRACE but most deny the practice of GRACE (both internally and externally). Living by GRACE will lead us out of our FEARS and into the tranquil experience of LOVE, JOY, and CONTENTMENT. In love there is no room for fear. Why? Because fear implies punishment and badness and no one who is motivated and hindered by fear is experiencing the freedom of love.
I have often professed my faith in GOD'S unconditional love for me while still living in and being guided by fear. The "if" questions that have driven my mind and my life are many; "if I don't make the mortage", "if she gets sick", "if he dies", "if I lose my joy", "if my 401-k continues to tank", "if an earthquake occurs", "if a hurricane hits", "what am I going to do if...", "what if someone breaks into my house", "what if........"
Brennan Manning simply says, "once these questions guide our lives, we take out a second mortgage in the house of fear..."
Many seek safety from fear in many places but not their heart...only as you find your heart can you experience the unconditional love intended just for you! Safety is not found in 'success', companions, alcohol, money, work, fame, nor celebrity status!
I have found a safe place within my heart...a tranquil place where there is peace, serenity, and joy. And my heart can experience the love and acceptance that brings the serenity meant just for me...
I have often professed my faith in GOD'S unconditional love for me while still living in and being guided by fear. The "if" questions that have driven my mind and my life are many; "if I don't make the mortage", "if she gets sick", "if he dies", "if I lose my joy", "if my 401-k continues to tank", "if an earthquake occurs", "if a hurricane hits", "what am I going to do if...", "what if someone breaks into my house", "what if........"
Brennan Manning simply says, "once these questions guide our lives, we take out a second mortgage in the house of fear..."
Many seek safety from fear in many places but not their heart...only as you find your heart can you experience the unconditional love intended just for you! Safety is not found in 'success', companions, alcohol, money, work, fame, nor celebrity status!
I have found a safe place within my heart...a tranquil place where there is peace, serenity, and joy. And my heart can experience the love and acceptance that brings the serenity meant just for me...
Friday, August 14, 2009
Worries, Anxieties, and Fears...
Paul's story is familiar to many. "I have the constant fear and worry that my life is being ruined because I don't know what it is like to have normal, secure relationships with people nor can I just relax and have fun and enjoy. I can't really imagine what it would be like to live and not have anxiety all the time. I avoid all sorts of situations. I often worry about things that aren't all that important and I shouldn't be thinking about them at all. It was just last week that I could not go out with friends because I have this paralyzing fear that I would be hit by a car or something even worse! I worry about people dying, my pet dying, friends leaving me because I am crazy!! Basically, I worry about everything. I have lots of trouble falling asleep most nights because my brain won't shut off. Oh, how I wish I could control what I was thinking so I could live a normal life..."
Notice what Paul has 'struggles' with:
1. Attempted to control or stop worrying...
2. Can't stop worrying even if it does not seem to solve anything...
3. All keyed up...
4. Easily fatigued...
5. Difficulty concentrating...
6. Irritable...
7. Problems sleeping...
Let me offer a radically new way of looking at this problem of anxiety. Thoughts and feelings of fear, panic, anxiety are intense, unpleasant, overwhelming, and often terrifying. But the thoughts and feelings are not the problem! I repeat, the thoughts and feelings of terror, panic, fear, and anxiety are NOT the problem. The problem is the rigid, toxic, avoidance of fear and anxiety. The majority of research today shows that excessive avoidance is the most important toxic element for morphing worries, anxieties, and fears into truly debilitating disorders.
Toxic avoidance of fear looks different depending upon the person or situation. Some avoid people, places, activities, or situations that "make them uncomfortable" and might lead to anxious feelings. Others use substances (three or four glasses of wine will "work", as will Lortabs, etc...) to minimize the effect and 'turn off the brain.'
Einstein (as in Albert) is reported to have said, "problems cannot be solved by thinking within the framework in which they were created..." With this notion let me offer a radical new way to look at the problems of worries, anxieties, and fears. It begins with acceptance. Yes, acceptance...accepting the 'fact' that life is full of situations that lead to fear and worry. Accepting the fact that I am able to face my fear and not allow it to define who I am and how I live! In fact, let me ask a question that all my patients hear: "Is it possible for someone who has SOCIAL PHOBIA to be a successful public speaker?" Of course you know the answer and it is YES! What is the answer? It begins with the attitude of acceptance.
The Serenity Prayer states: "accepting hardship as a pathway to peace and taking this world, as it is, not as I would have it..." That is the beginning of the pathway to serenity.
Notice what Paul has 'struggles' with:
1. Attempted to control or stop worrying...
2. Can't stop worrying even if it does not seem to solve anything...
3. All keyed up...
4. Easily fatigued...
5. Difficulty concentrating...
6. Irritable...
7. Problems sleeping...
Let me offer a radically new way of looking at this problem of anxiety. Thoughts and feelings of fear, panic, anxiety are intense, unpleasant, overwhelming, and often terrifying. But the thoughts and feelings are not the problem! I repeat, the thoughts and feelings of terror, panic, fear, and anxiety are NOT the problem. The problem is the rigid, toxic, avoidance of fear and anxiety. The majority of research today shows that excessive avoidance is the most important toxic element for morphing worries, anxieties, and fears into truly debilitating disorders.
Toxic avoidance of fear looks different depending upon the person or situation. Some avoid people, places, activities, or situations that "make them uncomfortable" and might lead to anxious feelings. Others use substances (three or four glasses of wine will "work", as will Lortabs, etc...) to minimize the effect and 'turn off the brain.'
Einstein (as in Albert) is reported to have said, "problems cannot be solved by thinking within the framework in which they were created..." With this notion let me offer a radical new way to look at the problems of worries, anxieties, and fears. It begins with acceptance. Yes, acceptance...accepting the 'fact' that life is full of situations that lead to fear and worry. Accepting the fact that I am able to face my fear and not allow it to define who I am and how I live! In fact, let me ask a question that all my patients hear: "Is it possible for someone who has SOCIAL PHOBIA to be a successful public speaker?" Of course you know the answer and it is YES! What is the answer? It begins with the attitude of acceptance.
The Serenity Prayer states: "accepting hardship as a pathway to peace and taking this world, as it is, not as I would have it..." That is the beginning of the pathway to serenity.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Telling the Children You Are Getting Divorced
Telling the children that you are going to get divorced can be a very difficult obstacle to overcome, but it is something that must be done in order for the children to begin to accept this dramatic change in their life. Research shows that children reared in an environment where there is tension and reactive emotion will be struggle maybe even more than a child reared in a emotionally calm divorced home. Children, who see and witness their parents constantly abusing each other, suffer.
Children are resilient and they can thrive in a divorced home. A proper parental environment that offers a safe and reasonably anxiety free ‘growing space’ allow children to blossom. One of the first ways that a parent can help a child is by telling him or her about the divorce. Remember, children of all ages will be affected by their parent's divorce. Following are some tips on telling the children.
Telling the Children
• No matter what the age, it is important that the parents tell the children what is going on.
• If one parent has played the main parenting role, then it is more logical for that parent to break the news to the child, lessening the disturbance.
• It is very important that no blame be assigned to either parent for the separation, because this may indirectly give the child a reason to choose sides. It is unhealthy for the child to feel that there is a good and bad parent.
• As a parent you must explain to the children that they are not to blame for the divorce. Initially almost all children feel that they are responsible. The parent must explain that the divorce is between the parents and not the children and parents. If this is explained correctly, the children will also realize that if they are not responsible for the divorce, then they cannot be responsible for their parents reconciling.
• Don't, I repeat don’t tell the children that you are divorcing unless you and your spouse are absolutely certain that the decision is final.
• It is important that you tell the children about the divorce when you can be together for a long period of time. A non-school day would probably be the most preferred time, because they are going to feel very alone and they will need someone there to feel a sense of safety and security.
• After you have told them the news, you may, without going into great detail, want to give them some idea what they should expect in the future. A child may want to know about school and future living arrangements.
• If they ask "why?" this usually means why is this happening to me. It does not mean why you are getting a divorce. The children initially really don't need to know why, so eliminate details.
• Be sure to ask them if they have any questions. They may have questions, but will be reluctant to respond at that time. Remember, it is important to field questions again and again.
Children are resilient and they can thrive in a divorced home. A proper parental environment that offers a safe and reasonably anxiety free ‘growing space’ allow children to blossom. One of the first ways that a parent can help a child is by telling him or her about the divorce. Remember, children of all ages will be affected by their parent's divorce. Following are some tips on telling the children.
Telling the Children
• No matter what the age, it is important that the parents tell the children what is going on.
• If one parent has played the main parenting role, then it is more logical for that parent to break the news to the child, lessening the disturbance.
• It is very important that no blame be assigned to either parent for the separation, because this may indirectly give the child a reason to choose sides. It is unhealthy for the child to feel that there is a good and bad parent.
• As a parent you must explain to the children that they are not to blame for the divorce. Initially almost all children feel that they are responsible. The parent must explain that the divorce is between the parents and not the children and parents. If this is explained correctly, the children will also realize that if they are not responsible for the divorce, then they cannot be responsible for their parents reconciling.
• Don't, I repeat don’t tell the children that you are divorcing unless you and your spouse are absolutely certain that the decision is final.
• It is important that you tell the children about the divorce when you can be together for a long period of time. A non-school day would probably be the most preferred time, because they are going to feel very alone and they will need someone there to feel a sense of safety and security.
• After you have told them the news, you may, without going into great detail, want to give them some idea what they should expect in the future. A child may want to know about school and future living arrangements.
• If they ask "why?" this usually means why is this happening to me. It does not mean why you are getting a divorce. The children initially really don't need to know why, so eliminate details.
• Be sure to ask them if they have any questions. They may have questions, but will be reluctant to respond at that time. Remember, it is important to field questions again and again.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Anxiety...deal with it!!
The chronically anxious person is impatient. Escapist thinking looks for quick and easy answers to life's greatest challenges. The quick-fix mentality flees from a challenge and is overly simplistic in viewing life while at the same time focuses outwardly (not inwardly). Avoidance is a strategy chronically anxious people utilize...if I hide or if I avoid or if I act like it ain't there, then it will go away. The chronically anxious person has a very low threshold for pain. In fact the amount of chronic anxiety is inversely related to the person's capacity for enduring pain. What makes chronically anxious people is not the pain but how they deal with the pain. The root word for anxiety means pain (angina, anger, anguish, angst) and pain, in this life, is inevitable, however, misery is optional!!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Talking about Alabama woman, 81, faces trial in urination case
August 02
Well I wonder how long it will take before National News picks up this story. We have the story of a police officer arresting a noted Harvard professor and the ensuing paranoia over racial insensitivity and a president who stated the police acted 'stupidly.' I wonder what President Obama would say about Mobile, Alabama police arresting a 81 year old female for urinating behind a clump of trees? She will be 82 when she stands for trial!! I guess if the police officer in Cambridge acted stupidly then the officers in Mobile acted in a similar fashion. The charge you ask? Public lewdness...oh yeah?
Well I wonder how long it will take before National News picks up this story. We have the story of a police officer arresting a noted Harvard professor and the ensuing paranoia over racial insensitivity and a president who stated the police acted 'stupidly.' I wonder what President Obama would say about Mobile, Alabama police arresting a 81 year old female for urinating behind a clump of trees? She will be 82 when she stands for trial!! I guess if the police officer in Cambridge acted stupidly then the officers in Mobile acted in a similar fashion. The charge you ask? Public lewdness...oh yeah?
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