Waking Up In Glory, and Finding You Are HOME!

Pauline Sadler, age 89, married 69 plus years to Geary Sadler, died Saturday (July 26, 2008) night at 8:45 (eastern standard time) was/is the mother of my best friend and wife of 32 plus years, Faith.

Pauline was precious, Godly, strong, a person of powerful convictions, and unwavering in her love. She is the person my dad had in mind when he would talk about "her face is set toward heaven like a flint!" That was Pauline, her singular desire was to be like Jesus Christ in every area of her life. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer some 8 weeks ago and knowing that her father died of the same and how her father died caused some anxiety in Pauline's heart. Pancreatic cancer is vicious, swift and severe, the pain is excruciating, the stomach wrenches in spasms, the body burns with fevers of exceeding 104 degrees, in a word, it is horrible!

I asked her how she managed her fears and she smiled and told me of the countless Psalms she had committed to memory and said, "John Mark, if I can bring my mind to focus on the content of the Psalm my fears go way." Listen, when she paid attention to the Psalms she could not pay attention to her fears and they would subside। She truly exercised what St। Paul described in Philippians 4:8 "brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things…" And you know the God of Peace kept her heart and mind free of those fears।

Maybe you have heard that FEAR is best understood as False Evidence Appearing Real and that the word FEAR appears about 365 times in the Holy Bible and that most of those occurrences are statements such as; "fear not", "don't be afraid", "you have not been given a spirit of fear." Someone told me that God put that in Scripture because we should not be afraid but I think they are there because HE knows that each of us will face fear in this world. Pauline faced her fears with grace, love, and the EXCELLENCE of TRUTH…in the face of LOVE and TRUTH, fear wilts and is no more.

Days like these calls upon our faith because our faith is the only sensible thing we possess…it is during these times my mind is drawn to some gospel songs and I sing them over and over, maybe you remember as well:

"Known only to Him, are the great hidden secrets
I fear not the darkness when my flame shall dim
I know not what the future holds but I know Who holds the future…
It is a secret, Known only to Him…"

And then, there is the one that is part of this BLOG'S title…

"Just think of stepping ashore
and finding it Heaven,
of touching a hand and finding it God's
of breathing new air and finding it celestial....
of waking up in glory and finding you are Home..."

That is what Pauline did tonight…she stepped ashore and found the shore was heaven, she touched a hand and discovered that hand was God's, she took a deep pain free breath of air and to her delight it was celestial and she woke up in Glory found she was HOME!

Pauline, tell my mom and dad, "Hello" from their son, and I will there soon!!
--- John Mark Trent, PhD

Claim: Kids who say 'yuck' may be racist

I recently read George Orwell's 1984. Orwell graphically describes the end of civilization. Winston (the main character in the book) reads three statements published by the THOUGHT POLICE;

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Now you might wonder, how could anyone ever 'believe' these statements. BigBrother ran a huge campaign of psychological manipulation (remember BB ran the THOUGHT POLICE) and introduced the concept of DOUBLE THINK. DOUBLE THINK is exactly what you might imagine...doublethink is the ability to hold two contradictory ideas in one’s mind at the same time. As the BigBrother's mind-control techniques break down an individual’s capacity for independent thought, it becomes possible for that individual to believe anything that BB tells them, even while possessing the exact information that runs counter to what they are being told. Whee, are you with me still??

Today, I read where in Great Britain a government publication stated that toddlers who say "yuck" when given flavorful foreign food may be exhibiting racist behavior. Now I live in the greater Montgomery, Alabama area and am fully aware that true racism exists today and only through an inner spiritual transformation can our hearts be rid of this hideous poison. There are many legitimate examples of  real racism but when DOUBLE THINK enters, then true racism is erased.

I remember Catholic's who said "yuck" to fish on Friday's, orthodox Jews who say "yuck" to pork, and modern Muslims who say "yuck" to pork and shell fish. I have even been know to say "yuck" to cooked broccoli. One more thing, I wonder how much money was spent on this 366 page guide parents are to read?

Claim: Kids who say 'yuck' may be racist

Church's acceptance of homosexuality (OneNewsNow.com)

A new survey finds that Americans are split almost evenly over perceptions of homosexual behavior as either sinful or acceptable to God. LifeWay Research, an arm of the Southern Baptist Convention, surveyed 1,201 adults in April to determine their attitudes about homosexuality. Forty-eight percent responded that homosexual behavior is sinful, but 45 percent said that it is not -- basically a statistical tie when the margin of error is taken into account.

My point: Who cares what the average rank and file church member thinks or believes about this issue. I really don't care what you know until I know how much you care. Much more critical to our walk in this world is this question; Suppose your best friend, your son, your daughter, were to inform you that they were homosexual...how would you handle it? To me that is the question!Some may say, "that is completely irrelevant..." To them I would ask, "Have you ever loved a gay man or a lesbian woman? Or do you turn away in complete disgust?" Many evangelicals (I was reared "holiness" and we were good at this one)  have a visceral response that totally denies the love and understanding of Christ. Remember, Christ touched the untouchables and reached the unreachables, and my friend, they were not only homosexual men but they were pious religious people like you and me. He touched me! Me in my filthy, despicable, self-righteous rags...when no one else understood me, He cared and when I knew how much He cared, I opened up to His Grace.

There was a woman caught in the act of adultery (John 8) and you might remember, Christ knelt down, doodled/scribbled/wrote in the dust after He asked one of the most piercing and stinging rebukes in all of history. "You who are without sin, throw the first stone." The tragedy of my life is my pockets are always full of stones and had I been there, I wonder if I would have thrown one? Rubbish, someone says! Nay, says I...your hand has a rock in it as well!

So, back to the question at hand...I think it is much more pertinent is suppose your best friend wants you to accept him and love him and he is gay? Can you get past your own stuff that causes you to turn away in disgust and allow Christ to love him through you? That is what the Church needs to investigate...that is what I need to investigate!

Church's acceptance of homosexuality (OneNewsNow.com)

Survey on Extramarital Affairs

  Frank Pittman wrote Private Lies, and details the anatomy of an affair. The anguish, anger, selfishness, immaturity, the "swamp of pathology" are all discussed in his well known text. I have discussed with countless couples their affairs and some stay married, some divorce, and some, well some are still trying to figure it all out.

One of the foundational building blocks of all emotionally intimate relationships is truth. Truth extends from honesty, good faith, and sincerity in general, to agreement with fact or reality in particular. Someone today told me that they had committed adultery but would never tell their spouse and I have to wonder if that marriage relationship will survive let alone thrive in this world which seeks to undermine and erode away such foundations. Of course you might ponder, how honest do I have to be, how much must I tell, how much of me does my spouse want to know and need to know? All of this gets really confusing when there is an affair and the troubled couple comes for marital therapy. Many times one spouse has lots of questions and the other spouse is tired of talking about it. Phrases like, "can't she get over it" and "why can't he just put it behind him" become commonplace in the early stages of recovery from an affair. It is my task as their therapist to coach them to talk and discuss and answers questions...many questions. Peggy Vaughn (www.dearpeggy.com) researched couples who were impacted by affairs and discovered that talking about it truly predicts how well the couple will recover. Now as a researcher I am aware of the inherent limitations of this survey, but if you are in the throes of an affair you must consider this material. Find a good therapist and begin to talk...

The primary goals of the survey were:

--To discover the factors involved in whether or not marriages are likely to survive.
--To determine the factors involved in whether or not people are likely to personally recover from this experience.

Statistical analyses of the results indicate:

--The amount the affair was discussed with the spouse and the extent to which the spouse answered questions were significantly associated with the current marital status and quality of the marriage.
--The amount the affair was discussed with the spouse and the extent to which the spouse answered questions were significantly associated with recovery.

Below are the Results of 2 of the 8 Statistical Analyses

1. Hypothesis: A couple is more likely to stay married when they thoroughly discuss the whole situation.

chi squared (2, N = 1083) = 78.30, p <.001

55% of those who discussed the situation very little were still married (and together)
78% of those who discussed the situation a good bit were still married (and together)
86% of those who discussed the situation a lot were still married (and together)

2. Hypothesis: A couple is more likely to stay married when the spouse answers their questions.

chi squared (2, N = 1083) = 66.58, p <.001

59% of those who refused to answer questions were still married (and together)
81% of those whose partner answered some of their questions were still married (and together)
86% of those whose partner answered all their questions were still married (and together)

John Mark Trent, PhD, Educational Psychologist and Marriage and Family Therapist

Answers to Life’s Questions

I have always liked what Anonymous has written. Maybe you have read one of her poignant poems or been caught on the rhyme of some prose she penned. I found another bit of intelligence for your life (can any say I am tired of John Tesh) written by Anonymous that I include in a moment.

I have always enjoyed the exchanged of ideas through rhetoric, discussion, and Socratic questioning. The most important thing I learned during my PhD studies at Auburn University was the value of the right question. Asking the right question remains the best strategy to get the right answer (I still don't know who said this first…). Socrates offered six types of queries you can use to deepen your understanding of your friend, boss, employee, or client/patient (as I often do in my therapy sessions). These 6 Types are can be used in a wide variety of situations and can even become a lens through which you view your world. When you do so, life is a bit clearer and you're a bit wiser. So think with me about each type and see how they are useful for you…

1. First there are the Conceptual clarification questions
   
   1. Get them to think more about what exactly they are asking or thinking about. Prove the concepts behind their position. These are basic 'tell me more' questions that get them to go deeper. Why are you saying that? What exactly does this mean? How does this relate to what we have been talking about? Can you give me an example?
      
   2. Are you saying ... or ... ? Can you rephrase that, please?
      
2. Second of all are the Probing assumptions questions
   
   1. Probing of assumptions makes them think about the presuppositions and unquestioned beliefs on which they are standing. Is this the only way to understand this problem? What else could we assume? You seem to be assuming ... ? How did you choose those assumptions?
      
3. Third are the Probing rationale, reasons and evidence seeking questions
   
   1. People often use 'uncritical' or weakly understood reasons for their arguments. How do you know this? Show me ... ? Can you give me an example of that? What do you think causes ... ? What is the nature of this?
      
4. Fourth are the Viewpoints and perspectives questionings
   
   1. Most people are stuck with a particular perspective that comes from a particular position. So my questions are used to show that there are other, equally valid, viewpoints. Questions to use are; Another way of looking at this is ..., does this seem reasonable? What alternative ways of looking at this are there? Why it is ... necessary? How could you look another way at this?
      
5. Fifth are the Probing implications and consequence seeking questions
   
   1. Each position a person takes has some logical implications that can be guesstimated. Do these make sense? Are they desirable? Then what would happen? What are the consequences of that assumption?
      
6. And last but not least are the Questions about the question
   
   1. These are some of my favorites because it allows me to be reflexive about whatever we are discussing. Questions like; what was the point of asking that question? Why do you think I asked this question? What does that mean?
      

Oh yes I did mention Anonymous earlier, she once said:

I fully realize that I failed to answer your questions completely and,

in fact, to answer some of them all.

The answers I have found only lead

to a new set of questions, some of which

we were not even aware were problems

in the first place.

To sum it up,

I believe that while we are confused as ever,

we are confused about greater and more important things.

---Anonymous

“Just Show Up…”

Many of life’s battles are often won by simply out lasting the enemy! The key is to “show up” day after day, week after week, month after month…even when every muscle fiber screams “STAY IN BED!”

Most of us have heard how Abraham Lincoln continued even with all the setbacks and difficulties...however, over the Thanksgiving Holiday, my wife and I watched Amazing Grace, the wonderful story of the young idealist William Wilberforce maneuvering his way through the British Parliament in 19th century England, endeavoring to end the horrid British transatlantic slave trade. Here is someone who understood that one critical key to winning in life’s battles was to “show up” week after week, month after month, year after year…Wilberforce persevered (he had much help along the way) and ultimately saw Great Britain’s laws halt all slave trade.

It is interesting to me that my God will open my eyes to this truth from time to time. Just today I read where if those with heart failure will simply stick to an exercise program they can recapture up to 70% of their exercise capacity. Recent research suggested that regular exercise impacts progenitor cells (a pool of immature cells in skeletal muscle that can divide into mature cells as needed for muscle repair) in a very positive manner. Heart patients who were at similar levels of heart failure were placed on a doctor-supervised exercise program and their progress monitored. The results demonstrated that the number of progenitor cells actively dividing to form new cells and repair muscle damage increased dramatically. By the end of the program these heart patient’s exercise capacity had also increased by an average of 35%, giving the men about three-fourths the capacity of healthy men their age. Hey, I will ‘settle’ for 75% capacity of ‘healthy men’ my age…now I must ‘show up’ every day.

We can learn from inspirational stories of God-fueled human determination in the face of adversity. The conflict between the people and their natural surroundings, an oppressive regime, or just themselves, but in any case -- and at any cost -- their ultimate victory serves as a boost to our spirits...hope for all of us.

I am not sure what situation you may face, but I know from history, experience, and God’s guidance, that being faithful and consistent in your daily walk will bring benefits in the years to come. So push through the tough time with your children, the trying time with your spouse, the boring time at work, and (for my students) the exhausting pressure of graduate school…show up and see if you don’t experience some victories in life.

"Show up" today, tomorrow, and on into next week!
John Mark

http://www.NewsTarget.com/022287.html Topics Covered At The American Heart Association's Scientific Sessions 2007

Alone again, unnaturally (my apologies to Gilbert O’Sullivan...see the column to the left)

Being divorced, single again, and with two or three children is no picnic. Of course there is all the work that goes into child custody issues, realigning your finances, reconciling your divorce with your religious values, (for example, I was raised in a church that taught divorce for any reason at all brought God's judgment and if you were to ever remarry, after any divorce, anyone except your first 'wife' or 'husband', you would go to hell!) and figuring out how to do family as a single man or woman.

However there is also the process of reintegrating back into the social world as a 'single again' person…this time without the identity of being 'Karen's husband' or 'Frank's wife.' This time you are truly once again 'on your own.' Sarah (43, single with three great children) sent me an email, (not her real name of course) asked about dating. Where do I go and what do I do?

She wrote in her email, "I wanted to ask you if this is a mistake on my part. I placed myself on my church's singles site, have been talking to someone and he wants to take me out on Friday. He is divorced…his wife cheated. I am scared. He will drive 3 hours just to take me to a movie and possibly out to eat. I want so bad to go and want so bad to make up an excuse. That is what I do because I am scared. I have been single, and would be okay …but it is lonely and would be nice to have a friend… one to go to a movie with etc. … as for dating, what if I actually miss out on a most wonderful guy? 'Cause they are few and far between. I enjoy laughing and smiling, and people see a change in me at work and church and that must count for something. Single and enjoying it? I enjoy being alone sometimes. I don't have to answer to anyone. What else is so great about being alone?"

What am I to do when I am lonely? My inner core beliefs (my faith) give me the ability to see beyond the realities of my circumstances. And the 'truth' about who I am and my innate value to God re emerges as a certainty to remember, reflect upon, and to ponder as you wander through this world.

Here is the truth! God built into you to have a special friendship with someone. You are probably not breathing if you don't need an intimate, affectionate, transparent relationship with someone. And think about this: filling this need begins with Jesus. It is neither pedestrian nor in poor taste to say that Christ has everything you could ever want in a special, intimate friend. Jesus seeks your friendship. He wants a tight, up close and personal relationship with you. You are amazingly special to Jesus. To Jesus you are not commonplace nor unappealing nor ugly. You are incredible to Him. No matter what others see as your personality quirks or physical flaws, He likes you. He has reserved a place in His heart for you that no one can fill but you! (Don't miss this point, go back and read it again!)

His love is not fickle -- He will not ditch you because He is bored with you. Jesus has deep affectionate feelings for you. When you are down, Jesus cares. When your life is a thrill and you are filled with joy, Jesus celebrates with you! He is God Who feels and shares your happiness and sadness. He is involved in every aspect of your life. You can be intimate with Jesus. No one but no one knows your most intimate thoughts and feelings like this lifelong companion. He is so glad when you share your inmost private thoughts with Him. You can let Him in on your dreams and longings and know that He understands what you mean. Whatever part of your life is under stress, Jesus is available to listen!

There is little doubt that the turmoil surrounding a divorce and the commotion concerning 'being single' again, may dislodge certain truths from within your heart. However, here is one certainty that should be remembered. Your identity and your security must come from within. As you continually realize that your authentic self (the Christ within you) is in fact your source of personal identity and security, your sense of self will become more 'solid' and more durable.

By the way, enjoy the movies and dinner on the town...