Disturbing the Sounds of Silence

The number one complaint I hear in the therapy room is, "we have communication issues!" It often sounds like, "He just doesn't talk!" or "she just doesn't understand me" or "we fight about everything!" Whatever 'communication issues' look like they are real and they are real for a purpose.

The only way two people can have a relationship is through communication and the only way two people can have a deep abiding relationship is to have a deep level of communication. A relationship will only be as good as its communication. When you and I can honestly tell each other who we are, what we think, judge, feel, value, love, honor, hate, fear, desire, wish for, believe in, hope for, have passion for and are committed to, then and only then can either of us grow. Without a relationship I am nothing and I can never know who I am without a relationship…it is the only way I can ever find God and His grace in this life.

I must have freedom and cultivate the ability to tell you my thoughts, to tell you my judgments, to tell you my fears, to tell you my vulnerabilities. Many years ago, she said to me, "I don't know anything about you that everyone else does not already know!" I thought, "What on earth do you mean?" I did not have a clue as to what she meant…but I ask for more information and she offered, "Well, what are your vulnerabilities?" "Vulnerabilities? What are you talking about?"

Of course, I was wondering, 'do I have any?' I mean, real men are those who don't allow others to see them sweat…and I was so good at not allowing others to see me sweat that I had forgotten that at times I did sweat!! Several days went by and then one night our son, who was two at the time, was "exercising" and I stepped out to show him the 'right' way to exercise. As I squatted down to begin the rhythmic movements he and she both giggled at my awkwardness. A flash of pure fire exploded from within my gut and I whirled to her and said in slow even tones, "That is one! that is one! I hate it when people laugh at me." I immediately sat down and the little fella climbed up between us and stroked my arm. Ah, yes, one of my 'vulnerable' moments that I was made was aware of and furthermore, was able to share!

Only as I expose to you my fears and my shames, to tell you of my failures and my triumphs, can I be really sure what it is that I am and what I can become! Only as I know myself can I let myself be known. I must be able to tell you who I am before I can fully know who I am. Relationships are as healthy as the bloodlines of open and honest communication. Open up you may just discover yourself!