Monday, July 27, 2009

Learning to Be Intimate...

True intimacy is not a natural nor an easy place to 'get to' and yet that is what our hearts crave. We desire to 'expose our true selves' to someone and to be 'known' by someone.

What we often think will work between couples to 'reach' true intimacy does not work. Consider the couple who bases their relationship upon the following: “I'll tell you about myself, but only if you then tell me about yourself and if you don't, I won't either. But I really want to, so you have to. Now I will go first and then you will be obligated to open up to me. It is only fair. If I go first, you have to make me feel secure. I need to be able to trust you!”

I often refer to this type of 'negotiation' as the “Miss Piggy Syndrome.” There is little doubt as to what is happening here. Couples with trust issues, communication issues, and many other struggles are locked into this type of intimacy.

Maturity and honesty bring to the surface another and deeper experience of the human heart craves and it takes the rawest kind of courage and the more rigorously honest heart. Listen to this heart as it takes a stand and cries out, “I don't expect you to agree with me because I know you weren't put on the face of the earth to validate and make me feel good about me. But I want you to love me and I know you can't really do that f you don't know me. I don't want your rejection but I must face that possibility if I'm ever to feel accepted or secure with you. It's time to show myself to you and confront my separateness and mortality. And one day when we are no longer together on this earth, I want to look back and know you knew me.”

Ah, yes, true intimacy...does he know you? Does she know you? Take courage, step up, let yourself be known!

1 comment:

  1. Coming from a family with little or no intimacy is very crippling when trying to have close relationships with women. My lack of intimacy just related to sex no bonding. This stinks!


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