Fear of the Dark!

At dusk on November 9, 1965, the biggest power failure in U.S. history occurs! All of New York state, sections of seven surrounding states, and parts of eastern Canada are plunged into darkness...the lights went out. This blackout began at the height of rush hour with millions of commuters caught and some 800,000 people trapped in New York's subways! Thousands were stranded in office buildings, elevators, and trains. 15,000 police types (10,000 National Guardsmen and 5,000 off-duty policemen) were called into service to prevent looting.
I remember my Mom's fear and how this was in the news...even though in central Ohio, our lights never flickered!
A 230-kilovolt transmission line near Ontario, Canada, tripped at 5:16 p.m., which caused several other heavily loaded lines also to fail. The dominos fell and a cascading failure of additional lines which resulted in the eventual breakup of the entire Northeastern transmission network. Thirty-million people in eight U.S. states and the Canadian provinces of Ontario and Quebec were affected by the blackout. By morning, when the sun was coming up, power was restored to all. Wonder if there any others who remember the night the lights went out in the North East?

Twenty four years ago Dad had cancer!

Melanoma 101: Symptoms, Signs, Diagnosis, Treatment, Types and Prevention on MedicineNet.com

Twenty-four years ago this week I went with my dad to the hospital to view the results of his liver scan. Anxiety, worries, and fears abounded as Faith, my mom, and I stood in front of doctor's viewer as he placed each scanned image, slice by slice on the white surface.

Four years earlier my dad had a mole removed from the back of his scalp. The doctor sliced it off and told mom that is was a carcinoma, malignant melanoma. And with that news, he sent dad home, and we, not knowing any better, resumed living with little or no worry. Our doctor did not seem worried and neither were we.

Fast forward to that day twenty-four years ago. We had just moved to Louisville, Kentucky, purchase our starter home, was in the process of adopting our first son, when mom said that dad was not feeling well. At age 63, he was planning to retire and he and mom were to spend the next few years camping. "The truck" had been purchased and a Coleman 'pop-up' camper was bought...they were planning to go in style. Mom, 10 years dad's junior, was going to work for a few more years and then they were going to enjoy 'retirement.'

We did not know that cancer was circulating through my dad's body and the untreated melanoma of four years earlier had come back. I will never forget anxiously looking down the scanned images, not really sure of what I was looking for, but saw 'gray', 'gray', 'gray', 'gray'...each of the slides were 'gray.' But on the fourth row, some twenty-eight or thirty images down, there was on that had a black dot, and the next had a larger black dot, and finally there were several with several black dots. We knew, dad had cancer in his liver. The next day we stayed for 'the bone scan.' The doctor came in and said, "His bones look like honey-comb...it is all over his bones."

The next seven weeks were filled with pain and pleasure...Nathan Wesley came home, dad slowly died. Christmas morning at 6:40 he died. Less than eight weeks after the 'diagnosis', once again, of malignant melanoma.

You need to know, this cancer can be 'cured' if it is caught and treated agressively and adequately! Lisa M. (a very dear friend) is living proof...some ten years after her 'mole' and surrounding skin was cut away in surgery. If you have a history (family or other wise) of skin 'issues' be sure you get checked yearly...let your doctor's look you over. Had dad's first doctor has treated him properly, he would have lived several more years...what might have been but never was.

Click the link associated with this blog and learn a bit more about the savage cancer that took dad's life...of course, the camper was not used, the truck was not driven, and retirement was not enjoyed and Christmas has never quite been the same.

Home Coming 2009

HomeComing 2009. Andrew is now a junior, A/B honor roll, and was an escort in this year's HOMECOMING Celebration. Alabama Christian Academy rolled over Bullock County, 60 to 6 (in the 3rd qtr.). Football on Friday night is a tradition and a great way to spend some real time with the family and friend!

Caring, Giving Grace, and Loving: Alzheimer's Loved Ones

Frank Broyles (football guru and former coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks) and his wife walked down the lonely Alzheimer's Road of love, sadness, sorrow, and joy. He wrote a playbook from his experience and says "feeling safe is the key to keeping her in a 'happy place' as much as possible." And "this "Playbook for Alzheimer's Caregivers" is a social model, not a medical model (doing things with her, not for her)."
My wife ministers to a large number of Alzheimer's patients and their families every week and has witnessed first hand the challenge, the joys, the sadness, the grief, and the love that can be experienced during this experience. If you know someone who faces this challenge of Alzhiemer's, order them a copy (or download your free PDF version) and give them a 'cold drink of water' on a very thirsty journey.

Do not ask me to remember.
Don't try to make me understand.
Let me rest and know you're with me.
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.

I'm confused beyond your concept.
I am sad and sick and lost.
All I know is that I need you
To be with me at all cost.

Do not lose you patience with me.
Do not scold or curse or cry.
I can't help the way I'm acting,
Can't be different 'though I try.

Just remember that I need you,
That the best of me is gone.
Please don't fail to stand beside me,
Love me 'till my life is done.
- Unknown

Vital Signs - Nutrition - Lower Depression Risk Linked to Mediterranean Diet - NYTimes.com

Vital Signs - Nutrition - Lower Depression Risk Linked to Mediterranean Diet - NYTimes.com

Many therapists see numbers of people who are depressed and who 'feel' like they have no efficacy (no power to determine the direction of their moods etc.) and often have to swim up stream to see their life improve. Here is evidence that we with depression can make some small changes that can impact how we feel, think, and how our bodies work. Remember this is 'food' for you mind (brain food) as well as your heart. I may be powerless in what life throws my way but I am not helpless in how I respond...this small piece may help you solve your puzzle of depression. Fish, nuts, fruit (I eat a cup of frozen blueberries every day), and vegetables will reshape your mood.

The Emotional Connections of Family Therapy

Yesterday Richard Schwartz presented an incredible model of therapy. His Internal Family Systems utilize the viewpoints of systemic family therapy to address the inner conflicts within our minds. It was interesting to hear his perspective that he has not always felt welcome at AAMFT because of his model’s emphasis on the ‘inner mind’ struggles and because there is intense emotion experienced with this type of therapy. He suggested that the early days anticipation of success has not been met and has caused some newer models to abandon true ‘systemic thinking’ such as narrative therapy and solution focus therapy, where neither one offers transformative change. The inner ‘deep’ work of IFS taps into the deeper emotions of fear and anger and allows one to truly change how they related to others. He further suggested there was much in common with Susan Johnson Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.

Today Susan Johnson began with “there is an exquisite logic to our deepest emotions” and that family therapy has missed the boat by not addressing issues of love. She immediately challenged MFTs to expand their understanding of therapy to realize reducing conflict and lowering reactive is not ‘good enough’ therapy. Small emotional signals from our partner such as a lift of an eyebrow can turn a marriage into a tornado. Flexible joyful connection can bring deep fulfillment to our families. Are there basic mechanisms of change that cut across models of therapy…couples that move into to deeper emotions in therapy will move into deeper sense of personal fulfillment and more meaningful relationships. We need to know the core issues of love and bonding. As systems theorists we need to know the inner loop of the interplay of emotions and inner cognitions as well as the outer loop of how people related to each other in their interpersonal world. Set our sights higher as therapists…instead of just reducing conflicts and lower reactivity to creating nurturance and love. The founding fathers of our field had no understanding of love and nurturance.

Some take home thoughts: We are attaching peoples and there is much of the tissue in our brains is dedicated to detecting the emotional signals of those we are close to. We need a special connection with others…lovers regulate each other physiology. Connection with an attachment figure anesthetizes the shocks of the world. There is only effective or ineffective dependency. We do not grow out of dependency. If we are securely attached we will be more confident and resilient in the stresses of life.

Love relationships are defined by emotional responsiveness and the question or all questions, “Are you there for me?” If you have this sense of felt security all other problems can be managed safely. How you handle security and disconnection enables us to handle all other issues in life. Sue also challenged the present status of MFT by stating “we don’t need magic questions” (a gentle poke at Solution Focus Therapy?) but we much engage in the understanding of love. She also took Minuchin and Nichol’s to task by challenging their ‘we must understand the limits of relationships’ and stating as therapists we must help couples create ‘safe haven connections’ so they can explore the limitless possibilities of human relationships.

Families with Autism Spectrum Disorders…stuff that works...

1 in 150 eight year old children in the U.S. has an Autism Spectrum Disorder and this spectrum has a wide range from high functioning to profoundly impaired. Of course for parents who have a child diagnosed with an ASD has the potential for: Added stress, greater social isolation, more marital discord, greater caregiving burdens, increase sense of meaning and purpose, greater family solidarity and unity, and opportunities for growth and skill development. If you look at this short list of potentialities you will see some are positive and some are negative.

It is exciting to see Marriage and Family Therapists doing research in the area. Julie Ramisch, Robert Hock, and Tina Timm, found that parents with an ASD child wanted to improve their relationship with their child (41%), wanted to improve their relationship with each other (32%), wanted to discuss individual concerns such as depression or anxiety (32%), wanted parenting advice (20%), and wanted parenting tools to use in the future (18%). Family therapist can offer assistance and coaching is all of these areas.

The take home message for MFT is even though research points to stressful family situations, good things can and do happen for families with a child with an ASD. The need for competent professionals who deal with the whole family is great and thorough assessment and effective intervention can help families adapt and succeed.

One family stated: “I suppose if it doesn’t – destroy is a pretty harsh word – but disabilities can really strain a marriage unlike anything’s else, I think a child’s disabilities, and you either become stronger, I think, in a relationship or it probably disintegrates. So if you survive all those things there is not a lot that can come between you in life that would really cause strain on a marriage.”